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Saturday, June 18th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:56 am. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. |
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I am awesome. I am 26.5 inches smaller and 24 lbs lighter than I was in March. When I lose 50lbs (which I will), I am having a party. A big party. You can come.
Oh, in other news, this journal is friends only. Comment and I may possibly add you.
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| Time: | 2:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  apathetic. |
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Ok, so for the interview, the other major thing going on right now. It went really well. I wasn’t nervous and I think I presented myself really well. I am capable of every single duty of the job. I love everything about this job. To give you some idea of how great the job is, the woman currently in position now (she is leaving to go back to school) cried when she talked about leaving. Yeah.
You guys, this is it. This feels like it is THE job. In my heart I know that I would give it my all and love every second of it. I would be the best at it and finally have a job where I would be helping people and working for an organization and I believe in.
Unfortunately, don’t think I am going to get it. She was upfront with me. She said they have a lot of stellar candidates, including myself and she is going to have to do a lot of praying. They don’t say that unless you are not going to get hired. I have the qualifications, but I don’t have the health system knowledge. Someone internal is going to get the job.
I find out for sure next week, but I have a strong feeling I didn’t get the job. Apparently, it isn’t for me.
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| Time: | 9:38 am. |
| Mood: |  defiant. |
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I am ready for this hellacious week to be over and done with. I have done too much thinking about the Jamie thing, and I hope to God this is the end of it all. It’s hard and I have been super emotional about the whole thing. I don’t want to be but I am. I am not even upset that he is dating someone else. It’s not like I EVER wanted to get back with him. I am upset that as appearances go, he looks like he got over thing. To his friends, I look like the loser that can’t get over him. It is also a huge blow to myself esteem that he started dating someone less than two months after we broke up. Apparently our year meant nothing to him. That hurts, even thought we were both done with the relationship before it actually ended. When I think about it though, he started dating me shortly after ending a relationship. Perhaps it is his coping mechanism. He cannot deal with his feelings so he just ignores them and meets new people.
If anything I feel bad for his girlfriend. She is like me, charmed by the big personality and the fact he gets free drink at bars. And now he had a published work. Soon she will realize that he is just a penniless moocher with no drive or ambition. She too will get sick of paying for things and driving his ever growing ass around town. He is 32 years old and hasn’t had a single fulfilling relationship. When we broke up he poured his heart out to me, crying like a child telling me how he can’t love anyone and how he is “Fucked up”. Well you know what Jamie, you are fucked up. You do a good job of hiding it, but you cannot fool me. If you keep hiding from your feelings and not dealing with all the shit your Dad left you with then you are going to “lead a life of quiet desperation” forever. Not a single strong proud woman will ever put up with that shit, so good luck with the younger naive girls. Have fun ruining their self esteem, just like you did to me.
I am done. No more bitterness, no more tears. I still have to get over the initial shock of the whole thing. You can’t just let ago, especially when it comes to first person you ever intimate with. I regret that more than anything else. I knew he wasn’t the one, but I was just sick and tired of being a virgin in my 20’s. It was a dumb decision on my part but I have already forgiven myself and know to be more careful with the next guy. Plus, I love myself enough to not succumb to the pressure, they way I did when Jamie pressured me. Fuck that, the next guy I am with won’t pressure me at all. And if he does, he is kicked to the curb.
So yeah. Here I am. This is it. My life starts now.
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Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:52 pm. |
| Mood: |  nauseated. |
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Ugh. Don’t want to think about last nights events because they will make me go crazy. Instead I will talk about trivial things, such as the weather.
It’s really fucking hot. According to the weather man it feels like 105 degrees. The humidity makes it hard to breathe. However, since I sit in a freezing office all day, I don’ t think it is that bad. I am officially a different person than I was 2 years ago. If it was two years ago, I would be the most unhappy person on the planet if the temp went above 80.
I hit about 6 stores in two hours trying to find a suit. I was a crazy power shopper and have blisters from running around the mall at lighting speed. I couldn’t find a damn thing. I have three more stores to try and then I am officially screwed.
Ok, on my lunch I found pinstripe suit for $75. Pretty good. Oh even better, it was 2 sizes smaller than the last suit I bought. Woo.
I ate pizza from Pizza Hut at around noon and now I feel sick. Or perhaps its the fact that I keep forgetting to take my birth control and had to take two pills today. It was much easier to remember when there was the threat of babies.
Speaking of babies, within 3 hours two people in my office announced that they are with child. I think I am going to stop drinking the water….
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| Time: | 3:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  bitchy. |
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And the word for today is "Broke". I took my car in for an alignment today. Dumb naieve me thought it would cost about $70 or so. Not so much. A certain part was needed that they could only get from the Ford Dealership makes my total bill somewhere around $216. I think I totally got screwed. It is so unfair that a woman cannot get a fair deal anywhere on car repair. I hope mechanics who screw over people like me rot in hell.
Other expensive things I need to buy or pay for this month:
1) A suit. My old one is too big and I don’t have enough time to get it tailored. Plus, it is ugly so I will just give it to a community center for the tax write-off. Hopefully I can get a cheap, easily tailored one (since I am shrinking rapidly) under $100
2) Car insurance: $700
3) Student Loan: $113 (so much for overpaying to get it over with)
4) Sprint Bill: $68
5) A dress for David’s wedding
If I dropped one more size I could start borrowing from a few of my friends.
I also need groceries and other household supplies.
It’s not like I am totally broke. Really, all this extra spending just means I am dipping in to a well padded checking account. I am not totally broke, I just need to watch it some more. My checking account no longer has it’s padding. Maybe this is the wake up call that I need to stop spending so loosely. It could be worse, I could have credit card debt. At least I stayed out of that!
Part of it I did to myself. I spent way to much money in the past two weeks on going out to eat and booze. I hate to not go out, because all we do is go out to eat, but I guess I need to be careful. That and I bought some clothes that I really didn’t need. Ok, from here on out, no new clothes (minus the suit and dress) until I drop another size. So, these next two weeks I am going into “Frugal La” mode, so when Deanna comes to visit I don’t have to be uptight. I could really use a weekend in, so unless people want to have movie night, I am going to be “Solo La”.
So where can I go to get a cheap suit? I have tried TJ Maxx, Dress Barn and Marshall’s with no luck.
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| Time: | 12:57 pm. |
| Mood: | sick. |
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I am functioning on about three hours of sleep today, which means I am barely functioning at all. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t seem to fall asleep and I tried all the tricks. Therefore I am absolutely useless at work. To top if off I woke up feeling all vomitty and the sickness only recently fades. Still, I need to be careful about what I plan to eat at lunch. Sadly, I forgot my lunch thanks to the morning fogginess so I need to waste more money I don’t have on food. Plain sandwich it is. My stomach just made the loudest and longest rumble of it’s stomach rumbling career.
Last night was my last night of house sitting. I will stop by after work tonight to pick up the rest of my things and give the dog his dinner, but they are coming back late so I was told I could sleep at home. It was a nice rest, though I was always scared a psycho murderer was going to jump out of the woods and kill me. I didn’t have any major epiphanies or as much reading time as I had hope, but I did watch about 40 million hours of the food network. Marc Summers rocks! I am looking forward to sleeping in a queen sized bed with my huge comforter and my expensive sheets.
Emily told me she saw the ex’s book at some random store on Tybee, but not on River Street. I am in the acknowledgements. An entire sentence thanking me is in a published book. Huh. That’s kinda cool I guess. Part of me wants to email him and congratulate him. I know he put a lot of hard work into the book and he deserves any success that comes out of it. It was his baby and it put it before everything else (including me) so he should be proud. However, emailing him would do me no good. So Jamie if you are reading this (and I know you are) congrats on your book being published. You worked really hard on it. Now send me a free copy, darn it!
Less than 2 weeks until I see Dylan!
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:50 am. |
| Mood: | annoyed. |
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Seriously, there is nothing worse than flipping through the channels after a crappy day only to see your ex boyfriends face sprawled across a big screen TV. Stupid Travel Channel.
Despite that little shudder, the rest of the night turned out to be a lot of fun.
And tonight....BASEBALL!!!
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| Time: | 8:18 am. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. |
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Reason #132 I love Savannah: I saw two rainbows in just under 13 hours.
In other news, remember Mr. Wizzard? Yeah, he could totally kick Bill Nye the Science Guy's ass.
After eating my weight in crab legs last night, I went home and caught the last hour of the MTV Movie awards. Here are some observations I made:
1) Only in the MTV universe would Lindsay "Needs a Bisciut" Lohan beat out Hilary Swank for best female performace
2) I hate to say it but Dakota Fanning is so cute that she is going to be a mess by the time she hits 18. She won't have nothing on that Home Alone kid.
3)Dave Grohl gets sexier by the second.
4)Will Forte's voice makes me smile.
5)Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's realtionship is about as real as a porn stars boobs.
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-I am exhausted. Last night before bed the dog started barking at something in the living room and I flipped out. The house is away from the main road and has a long driveway so it’s not like people would just be walking by. My imagination is pretty vivid so I immediately thought there was someone outside who wanted to kill me. I did what any single women freaking out would, I called my Dad. Granted he is in Chicago and really couldn’t do anything, but I wanted to be on the phone with someone if I was getting murdered. I didn’t find any lurker but I did freak my Dad out and now have to email the family a list of all my contact numbers. It is a good idea, but it is funny how it came about. Just to be safe, I turned on all of the outside lights before going to bed. Also, I slept with a nightlight on, which is bizarre coming from the gal who usually requires total darkness. I am such a wuss.
-Ugh. My knees are achy. I bet it is going to rain.
-Are you one of those people who never check their pockets before during their laundry? Have you ruined clothes thanks to a melted oil everywhere? If so, then I suggest Avon’s Care Deeply chapstick. I left a full tube in my pocket and freaked out when I found it empty in the dryer as I was also drying 2 brand new outfits. Much to my excitement, not a single grease spot was found! Yay for the little things. It’s just another reason to love Avon.
-Ugh. It looks like my hot stone massage is going to have to wait. My car insurance is due at the end of the month and I need to get my truck aligned. Are alignments expensive? I know nothing. I am kinda disappointed because I really wanted to get it done, but between bills and other money required commitments, it just isn’t in the cards. Oh well.
-I really would love a crab Rangoon right now.
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Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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*Me and my Llama, me and my Llama, going to the dentist today. I would kill to find a copy of that segment.
*I have officially reached my 2nd short term goal of 20 lbs. 22 to be exact. Yay for a hot stone massage!
*Ken is getting married! He is living with Wendy! I am very excited yet sad that he fell off the face of the earth. I don’t think I have talked to him in over a year!
*In non Ken related news: I get to be a bridesmaid! I have never been a bridesmaid. I don’t know what to do! But yet I am excited and flattered that I was asked. I plan to be at my goal weight by then too so I will be hot even if Kris puts me in an ugly dress. Not that she would. Oh, and if you are taking suggestion Kris, my calves will be really toned by then so I totally suggest T length. Just kidding!
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| Time: | 6:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  ecstatic. |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) annade is coming to visit in less than a month! WOOOHOOOOO! She booked her tickets today! I am so excited! I have been doing a little dance ever since I got her email!
Yay for vistors!
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| Time: | 10:43 am. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. |
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Did anyone watch that one hit wonder’s show on NBC last night? I may not have gotten embarrassing celeb moments on Dancing with the Stars, but last night sure made up for it. It was like Karaoke night. Poor, poor Loverboy and Flock of Seagulls. Time has not been kind to you. However, Arrested Development were really good, and I was quite surprised at Tiffany’s voice. It was really good. No stage presence, though. Oh, and I hope she was preggers. If not, she needs a new stylist, fast.
This just in, La has no life.
No big plans this weekend, which is good because I am trying to save some money. Today I work until noon and then I am going to Sara’s to meet the dog and get instructions since I am house sitting next week. Then I am going to the gym and babysitting for the rest of the night. Of course it is raining on my ½ day so no beach. Hopefully tomorrow it will be nice so I can work on my tan. Other than that, no plans and I like it that way. Perhaps I will cook this weekend.
( Summer )
( Childhood )
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Ok, I need to change the station on my alarm. Waking up to song about oral sex EVERY morning is starting to get ridiculous.
Dancing with the Stars was a bit of a disappointment last night. I was really hoping for more celeb bitching and/or making asses of themselves. Instead, it was just dancing. I talked to Kristen during the show and she obviously knows her stuff. Every critique she made, the judges also said. I just liked people if their dresses were pretty. During Evander Hollifield’s dance, I didn’t really look at anything but his ear. The plastic surgeon did a good job of getting rid of the teeth marks.
It’s my Dad’s birthday today! Happy Birthday Dad!
Speaking of Dad’s, anyone have any father’s day gift ideas? All my Dad ever wants are Socks. Socks are boring. I guess I could get him some Sox tickets. That would work.
I really don’t want to be productive today. So I won’t.
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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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Like others, I am incredibly excited to watch "Dancing with the Stars". I don't like dancing, nor have I ever been a fan of reality shows featuring B-list celebrities, but the bizarre cast of characters just screams "Train Wreck". I love watching train wrecks, as long as no one dies. From what I hear, all walk off the show alive with all limbs attached. I am even doing my grocery shopping on my lunch so I can be sure to get home in time to have cooked dinner by the time it comes on.
Both my supervision, her assistant and the supervisor of another department that would normally give us a hard time if he knew the other were gone are all on vacation this week! Therefore my productivity level is at a low. I am doing just enough that I won’t be shooting myself in the foot next week when things start to pick up. Yay for laziness.
Ok seriously. Can it get any colder in here? I need a freaking parka.
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The weather was perfect last night. It was warm, but a slight breeze was constant, keeping all of the dancing people at Forsyth Park cool. Even the pesky bugs decided to take a night off and enjoy the buoyant beats of Mr. James Brown and his incredible band. The mixture of people at the park reminded me of why I love Savannah. Art college grads with loud hairstyles and funky clothing mingled effortlessly with suburban parents and urban children. Even the most rigid looking folks couldn’t keep from taping their toes. Everyone was relaxed with their red solo cup in hand, enjoying the adult libation that suited them best. Personally, red wine filled my glass. Perhaps my glass was a bit too full as now I type this with a mild headache and an unquenchable thirst. We danced and sang and talked with old friends. Mr. Brown himself was upstaged by his band, but his presence still filled the monstrous park. He is after all, the Godfather of Soul.
When the show ended the sun had just gone down and no one was ready to go home but the police were in no mood to let us stay. So we packed up our blankets and candles and made our way downtown. I navigated the cobblestone sidewalks like an old pro, never falling despite platform sandals and three glasses of wine. I even managed to avoid a few roaches, though the liquid courage wasn’t strong enough to get me to actually kill them. As we walked to the old fashion ice cream parlor on Broughton Street we passed decaying cemeteries and creepy houses. Some of my friends, still relatively new to this old city, were scared they may see a ghost. As we walked through my old stomping ground, it wasn’t dead ghosts I worried about. I was keeping my eye out for a different kind of ghost. I was looking for (or trying to avoid) an old Confederate with a haversack and a beer, leading tourists around and telling them lies. He is no spirit rather flesh and blood but he haunts my thoughts daily.
As we walked, I realized that I if were still with that Old Confederate, I wouldn’t have been there with my new friends. Four of whom I didn’t know until he was out of my life. I wouldn’t be singing and giggling and squealing as we observed all the oddities that make up the magnificent town. I wouldn’t have been dancing in the park not caring who saw. I would have been with him, at some crappy bar, hearing the same story for the thousandth time. It was then that I realized that everything is going to be ok. It's been three months now and I formally declare the grieving and bitterness over. Everything is going to be ok.
We made our way to the ice cream parlor and sat outside under the marquee lights of the old Trustee’s Theater. Always counting calories I refrained from buying any ice cream, but didn’t turn down a few nibbles when a friend offered me a spoon.
The night came at a perfect time. Just when I started to miss the swagger and energy of my hometown it was again confirmed that Savannah is in fact, where I belong.
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| Time: | 9:35 am. |
| Mood: |  indifferent. |
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There was a gigantic roach in MY bedroom this morning. We don’t get roaches upstairs! Especially not in my bedroom. And this wasn’t a bitty roach either. This was big Mutherfucka roach. I've seen smaller cell phones. Of course, I can’t smush it because a) the crunch and b) they squirt, so I got the Raid and poisoned the sucker to death. He was ready to go anyway as he wasn’t running. Usually roaches don’t make themselves known unless they are senile and close to death. But jeeze! My bedroom?
Hopefully this will be is a rare occurrence. We live on the treeless side of the apartment complex so we don’t have as many as other people. It has nothing to do with being dirty. Keeping clean helps as they have fewer places to hide but they are just a part of life in the South. They are just so damn gross!
Aside from the initial girlies scream I let loose when upon it’s discovery I am proud to see how far I have come with my roach fear. I guess after you wake up to find one crawling on your face you know it cannot get much worse.
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My baby sister is graduating from High School tonight. I feel rather old.
Yesterday I was behind a pick-up with a sign that said “Friends Don’t let Friends Drive Ford’s” . At first I was mildly offended because I drive a Ford, however it was free so it’s not like I have a Ford obsession or anything. But then I was confused as I realized the pick-up he was driving was an F150. Definitely a Ford. He did have a Kerry-Edwards sticker so I forgave him and his inconstancy.
Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka? Brilliant choice!
I took this from pinkcloudsky
If you could go on a road trip with any two people who would it be?
Two sets of answers, people you know in one and then people you don't know in the other (celebrities, authors, musicians, people from online you haven't met in person, whoever - living or dead)
I have no idea for people that I know and have met in real life. The majority my friends don’t know each other well and I have learned long ago not to mix friends. Perhaps my cousin Becky and my Aunt Ellen. We have fun driving up to the ranch together. . As for folks I have never met I would say being4mybenefit and Hal Sparks. We could title the trip “The Laugh ‘til you Pee Tour 2005”.
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drained.
geeky.
cold.
hungry.
calm.
dirty.